Rico Suave
by kasswrites
Summary: Susannah returns home from school one day to find Jesse...admiring a one hit wonder.


_I'm sorry._

_It just...happened._

_Seriously, if you haven't heard the song, download it._

_It's pathetically hilarious._

_I own nothing new since the last time I said it._

_Except a pair of Jimmy Choo uggs :)_

* * *

"Back in a sec!" I shouted as I slammed Adam's car door, feeling a huge, goofy smile spreading over my face like melted butter. Ignoring the protests that I 'probably broke it', I ran to the house, slamming yet another door behind me. "I'm home!" I shouted, not sure whether there was anybody downstairs who particularly cared or not. "Going to Cee's to study!"

I took the stairs two at a time, my thoughts swaying to the ominous rumbling of my stomach. I'd forgotten to take my lunch today, and I downright _refused_ to put one of those disgusting corn dogs in my mouth. I'd have to grab some money so I could get lunch at one of the beach kiosks.

What?

We were in California, after all. You can't expect me to sit in a stuffy room, studying, when it's over ninety outside. I swear, that should be a crime. I mean, we have snow days, right? So why not...really-really-hot-days?

_God, Suze. I think the heat is impairing your thoughts._

I walked to my bedroom door, humming to myself. I think it was the weather that had my spirits so unnaturally high. Or maybe it was the idea of lazing at the beach, watching the lifeguards run past. I mean, they were no Jesse, but why can't I check out other guys? And it's not like Jesse and I were together or anything. He just kind of...existed in my room.

So let's not get onto the subject of how in love with him I am.

I reached out to turn the doorknob, but my hand halted its action as I realized an unfamiliar song coming from the other side of the door. I was used to Jesse putting on music while I was there with him, but he never played music without me there...

That would be a little weird, you know, the fact that my CD player just started up on its own. So the rules were pretty much set there. I pressed my ear to the door, the beat of what sounded like some kind of rap reaching my ear. But the words...they weren't English. Was Jesse listening to Spanish rap in secret?

_Seguro que han odo que yo soy educado  
Soy un caballerito un chico bien portado  
Un joven responsible y siempre bien vestido  
Yo no se quien ha mentido  
_

I cracked the door open a fraction, to see what was going on. Maybe Spike had knocked the radio or something. That was really the only logical explanation I held for what was going on. My eyes travelled first to the window seat, where Jesse always sat.

But he wasn't sitting there. My eyes skimmed around the room, with impaired sight – I was, after all, looking through a tiny crack between the door and the sill – before widening dramatically at the sight they took in. Jesse was standing in front of my mirror, lip-syncing the song to his own reflection. My mouth dropped a good few inches. And then, just to add to the odd factor, the song changed to English.

_I don't drink or smoke; ain't into dope  
Won't try no coke, ask me how I do it, I cope  
My only addiction has to do with the female species  
I eat 'em raw like sushi_

I blinked furiously, trying to make sense of what I was seeing. The heat must have been making me hallucinate. He rolled is hips in slow circles, pouting at the mirror, still lip-syncing to the words. He shimmied and danced and, oh god.

I think I just lost all respect for Jesse.

_So please don't judge a book by its cover  
There's more to being a latin lover  
You got to know how to deal with a woman  
That won't let go  
The price you pay for being a gigolo_

_Rico..._

_...Suave.  
_

He was actually singing along with the lyrics! He was singing _Rico Suave, _the insulting nickname that Paul had granted him with when they had first met. The artist sounded American, with a fake Spanish accent. I watched in horror as Jesse danced around the room, caught up in his own little world. Spike was sitting on the window seat, watching Jesse with wary eyes. It made me wonder how often this kind of thing happened.

_There's not a woman that can handle  
A man like me  
That's why I juggle two or three  
So don't let my lyrics mislead you  
I don't love you but I need you  
Would you rather have me lie  
Take a piece of your pie and say bye  
Or be honest and rub your thighs_?

It faded out to the end, continuously repeating the words, _Rico Suave._ My face was still frozen with shock. Jesse had his hands on his hips, swinging them dramatically. He was making what looked like suggestive faces at his reflection. He picked up a fluffy pink feather boa from the ground – which I recognised from my old dress-up box I hadn't had a chance to throw out as of yet – and draped it around his neck, winking at himself in the mirror.

I pushed the door open, making him freeze to the spot. Crossing my arms over my chest, I asked in an unimpressed fashion, "What the hell was that?"

He turned to look at me, his face frozen with shock.

"Uh..."

It was then that I burst out laughing.


End file.
